To the woman that crapped in my car. ( NE Portland )
We met on Craigslist so I am hoping that this post finds you. I know that it could quite possibly be the most humiliating first date that you have ever been on, but I am willing to look past that.
I thought we had chemistry sitting at McMenamins sharing that basket of Cajun Tots while drinking the Terminator Stout. I really felt like there was a connection there. I found you to be intelligent and witty and looked forward to further conversation with you.
At some point in life, everyone has gambled on a fart and lost. It just happened to be on a first date in the passenger seat of my car. Please don't feel bad.
The package I sent you with Pepto the next day and the note that said "First dates are always a crap shoot. Call me" was meant to be funny, not offensive. I have gambled on a fart and lost on multiple occasions.The first time I did it was very memorable. It happened when I was five and sitting on my uncle's lap. I am lactose intolerant, but love cheese. I probably win 95% of the time, but I don't think anyone wins 100% of the time. That's why they call it "gambling". I'm the last person to judge you for crapping your pants.
In fact, I am impressed by your boldness. The timing on the other hand, could have been a tad bit better...like when you're not sitting on a heated leather seat...
What I am trying to say is that if you want to go out again, I would be more than happy to take you someplace where we can get a meal that is high in fiber and less taxing on the digestive tract.I await your call, Tad
P.S. - If you shat yourself on purpose to end the evening early. Touché
So what does it mean for you? Lot’s of other countries utilize the same three colors in their own flags, but none are associated as strongly with these four words, “Red White and Blue”. In those four words, America, the U.S., the United States of America, is mentioned. The shear power behind those four words, in those three colors; that in itself makes Old Glory remarkable. The power to evoke a response, an opinion, an emotion, it’s quite impressive, really. Almost as impressive as this sweet Richard Simmons dance move.
The symbol of the American Flag has got to rank right up there globally with the Peace Sign, the Cross, the Ying and Yang, the signs for Restrooms in airports and the Blanco Honky Guy. Though there is no legally defined designation of how each color is defined. Unofficially(according to this dude’s 
But for the rest of the world, from various cultures, religions and socio-economic backgrounds, our flag and the colors it bares may represent something entirely different. For instance, red may resemble Baywatch. After all, hasn’t Blanco witnessed this through first hand accounts by one of our Ambassadors 
So take white for example. Surely the rest of the world recognizes us as a nation of tremendous fishing for Whitefish. Where else in the world can you go out when the river is half frozen over and catch your limit of Whitefish? Where? We’ll tell you where honkies, America, that’s where.
In synopsis, have a great fourth! South American Rednecks, Whitefish and Blue Jeans; Reggie Jackson, Whitey Ford and Bill Buckner, or Naiveity, Bavery and Chuck Norris. France, Great Britain, Liberia, Mullets. Whatever the colors mean to you, wherever you are in the world today, it’s The United States of America’s Independence Day. Blanco Honky loves you no matter what country you come from. That’s the beauty of drinking rum drinks and starting your own nation, like the Blanco Honky Nation. So honk-on honkies, and buck-up blancos, and tip back a cool one for whatever nation you find yourself in station! 
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